I Went on an "Ex-Cape" After My Breakup, and It Kinda Healed Me

Last September, I broke things off with my off-again, on-again, boyfriend for what was probably the millionth time. (Okay, officially, it was the third or the fourth time, but spiritually and mentally, it felt like a lot more.) Because it had happened so many times before, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but that didn't mean I was immune to the emotional fallout that happens after a relationship ends. If there's one thing I tend to do after a breakup, it's overthink everything. By November, I could feel myself getting stuck in a constant thought loop, replaying conversations, rewriting outcomes — the usual. And although I hadn't run into him yet, I knew it was imminent. We both live on the west side of Los Angeles, frequent the same bars and hang outs, and even still keep some mutual friends. I didn't want my entire emotional state hinging on a chance run-in at Erewhon, so I decided I need to make an escape. When I was invited to visit the Four Seasons Resort Costa Rica at Peninsula Papagayo for a five-day stay to test the spa and wellness offerings, I decided to treat it as something more intentional: the escape I was looking for, an "ex-cape." In my mind, it's exactly what it sounds like: an escape from your ex, yes, but more importantly, an escape from the version of you that only exists in relation to them. It's not about being dramatic, or cutting someone off in a grand gesture. It's about quietly removing yourself from the habits that keep you stuck. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was stuck. I planned to lay around, read books, enjoy the sunshine, swim in the ocean, and try to stop looking at my ex's Spotify for an entire week — a feat I hadn't been able to accomplish since we parted ways. (First in my bloodline to stalk someone's Spotify, by the way.) That plan, for the record, lasted about five minutes. When I first arrived in Costa Rica, the Four Seasons sent over a full itinerary, and not a "this is optional" itinerary — a whole ass schedule. The activities looked amazing, but the days were stacked. I'm talking early mornings, multiple wellness sessions a day, and structured activities back to back. Instead of lying around doing nothing, I would be participating in breathwork, energy work, astrology readings, and a few things I didn't even fully understand yet. My immediate reaction was mild panic, but what ended up happening was something I didn't expect: I didn't even have time to spiral. On my first day, I participated in an energy-balancing massage, and later that night I participated in a Yin Yoga class at the resort's Wellness Shala, an open-air structure overlooking the ocean. You could hear waves the entire time, feel the humidity in the air, and immerse yourself in the environment. Every spa or wellness session started the same way: I would sit down with a practitioner, set an intention, and actually think about how I was feeling. It was deliberate and purposeful. The next day, I had a private session with an energy healer and reiki master. I'll be honest, I went into it a little skeptical. There were absolutely moments where I was like, "Do I fully understand what's happening here?" The answer was a resounding "no," but I felt calm and grounded afterward, which was enough for me. Then, there was the astrology reading: an in-depth birth chart session that lasted close to two hours. I'm a Taurus, which I already knew, but this went far beyond that. We got into planetary placements, patterns, and life timing. In mildly terrifying news, however, the astrologist did mention that I likely wouldn't find my one true love until 2027. Sad! The standout activity, no contest, was surfing. On day three, I finally got out into the water for a surf lesson, and it was the first time the entire trip that my brain went completely quiet. I'm not referring to a calm or regulated nervous system. I mean totally silent. There is something about trying to stand up (and eventually actually standing up) on a moving wave that leaves zero room for overthinking anything — including a recent breakup. Instead, I was having fun, dude. I was living. And it was great. I must admit — the trip wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, I did get stung by a jellyfish and step on a bee (all in the same day), but I chose to look at those mishaps as character building. Throughout my time in Costa Rica, I found pockets of what I originally thought the trip would be: lying in the sun, reading, doing absolutely nothing. But the structure, which I initially resisted, ended up being the thing that helped me the most. Through all of this, there was no space to think about my ex, no space to overanalyze my life, and absolutely no space to stalk someone's music-listening history. I could only focus on what was directly in front of me, and it was exactly what I needed. I had experiences that required my attention, my body, my participation. I didn't come back from the trip suddenly healed or over my breakup. It took me several more months to actually get there. But for those five days, I was pulled out of my normal patterns. I wasn't sitting around and overthinking, I wasn't reaching for distractions that didn't help. I was doing new, unfamiliar things — things that were occasionally uncomfortable — but things that required me to be present. Ultimately, that's what an ex-cape is — an opportunity to escape from the checking, the spiraling, the overanalyzing. And it doesn't need to involve hopping on a plane and leaving the country. It can be a trip, but it can also be a weekend, a routine shift, or a decision to do something different long enough to interrupt the pattern. Mine looked like Costa Rica, a fully stacked itinerary, and a few moments where my brain finally shut up. But the point isn't where you go. It's that, for a second, you stop doing the thing that's been keeping you stuck. 49427908 Renee Rodriguez (she/her) is a senior staff writer and producer for PS. She writes across all verticals, but her main areas of expertise focus on fashion and beauty content with an emphasis on reviews and editor experiments. She also produces social content for the PS TikTok and Instagram accounts.