Has anyone here learned their partner’s (TL) mainly so the relationship feels less one-sided?

I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with this, because I don’t really know how to talk about it without sounding dramatic.

I’m in a relationship where my partner and I communicate fine day to day, but their native language is still a huge part of their life. Family calls, group chats, jokes with friends, little emotional phrases, arguments, stories from childhood, all of that happens in a language I’m still trying to learn.

At first I thought this would be romantic motivation. Like, if I loved this person enough, I’d slowly pick up their (TL) and eventually be part of that world too. But the reality has been more awkward.

I can study on my own, do lessons, watch videos, make flashcards, etc. But the hardest part is not the grammar. It’s the feeling of being present but not really included. Sitting next to someone you love while they laugh at something with their family, then getting the short translated version afterward. Or wanting to say something affectionate in their language but worrying it will sound childish or fake.

Translation technically solves some of it, but not emotionally. If I ask “what did they say?” five times in a row, I feel needy. If I use a translator, it feels too stiff for a normal relationship. If I say nothing, I slowly become quiet and detached.

For people dating/married across languages, what actually helped?

Did you eventually get comfortable speaking your partner’s language with them, or did you mostly learn through tutors/other people first?

And for native-speaking partners here, what kind of help feels supportive instead of like unpaid teaching?

I’m trying to figure out how couples handle the emotional side of the language gap without making one person feel like a burden and the other feel like a language bot.